A New Wandering

I wandered into a new realm recently. How about that one? Like I am not wandering into new realms all the time.  Nonetheless, this new realm has proven to be an adventure into the making of the patterns of life for me. I have been a creator of afghans, sweaters, shawls, scarves, hats et al through the milieu of crocheting for some 30+ years...working as a lone wolf creator...existing in my own world of design and creation...much like I have done with my other worlds of meaning all my life, since I have had a difficult time finding those beings of interest who venture into the thinking and creating areas that I venture into.  Now know this.  It has not ever stopped my venturing...it's just that from early on in my life I learned to wander alone and be quite pleased with my discoveries, learnings and experiences.  I now know that I am a guide, a wisdom woman, the one who goes before, like a scout, to lead others.

All that being said, all the justifications being touted for the 'lone voyager' (my, my I sound like a Betty Davis movie) there comes a time in everyone's life...even this wise woman, goddess, guide's life...when traveling with a community of sister/fellow creators becomes a pretty great deal.

In my role as ultimate goddess guide, I created a community for healing and empowerment going on some 12 yrs. now, that has been an ongoing organic milieu for healing, growth and nurturance of body, mind and spirit.

However, my present path has taken me into the world of a community that serves to fill, fuel and encourage me to learn grow and expand in other interesting ways.  I have entered a world of 'knitters' (primarily)...some crocheters and spinners who are absolutely brilliant.  They have taken their art and craft into finer and finer levels of creation and I am at home.   I have found my 'sandbox. These folks are not just making sand castles....but....whole villages, castles, churches, houses, fields, caravans, tents, smithy shops, guilds...all through working the fiber-looping and spinning.

Each time I enter the community, I step into a magical realm of master artists and crafts persons whose lives "Beyond the yarn" are full, fascinating, interesting designs crafted by their own hands.

I feel at home in this new place--welcomed, accepted, being interested in--definitely a 10+ on my empowerment scale.  pj.

Boomeritis

Boomeritis....Boomeritis....Boomeritis......Boomeritis......WOW!  I just revisited Ken Wilber's book Boomeritis and am finding it both interesting, informative....and very, very, very narcissistic. Of course, we all know that on our way to integral turquoise one must become less and less egocentric...no more greening of America...as we move through the memes.

I continue to be amazed at how brilliant authors and thinkers sum up the totality of the world and draw conclusions.  I am not disputing the conclusion reached. I am just astounded at the process of absolutizing.  I get what he is writing about: about how the green boomers changed the world and all; about how we changed history; how we fought for rights; how we revealed victimization...and more importantly how we now are evolving into an integral level of consciousness---turquoise!

I love turquoise. I have tons of turquoise jewelry, rings, bracelets, necklaces...plus several turquoise scarves.  He says that Clare Graves says ala Don Beck who says that we evolve out of green into yellow then turquoise.

I remember my yellow period: from 1970 to about 1985...my 20's to mid 30's.  Wow, I wonder if I was too young to be yellow...Then I went into my red period....Coming into my own power...allowing myself to get angry just as my therapist instructed.   Then into....well, really,  a maroon period with forest green trimmings...solemnly angry yet equal, I think...It occurred right after my divorce and BA degree and right before Phenomenology.  How about that!  Maroon and green right before Phenomenology and Being-in-the-world-as-such...Marty would be so proud of me.

I do not know how many of you know Marty.  Martin Heidegger, Being & Time...my lover for some 5 yrs. We fell asleep in each others arms many nights during my graduate school days.  I loved Marty and still do.  If the signifier changes does the world volatize?...you ask.  "NO!" I say emphatically.  You can change the sign on the road, yet the road still remains. But it does beg the question: Is a rose by any other name still a rose?

Have I got you to thinking yet?  Or have I lost you?

I would get lost sometimes adrift in a sea of  Being-in-the-World-with-Others-as-such. I think I got lost among the suchness.

When I chance to reflect back over my graduate years, I realized how wonderful they were...all the learning I did.  I miss those times. I felt so empowered.  These days, sometimes I feel like I've not moved in such a long while, like I have a boulder around my foot, dragging along, keeping me from moving more quickly.
I'm no longer willing to move as quickly as I once did given the way I did it...blocking so much out and moving forward with blinders on just to achieve a goal.  Goal achieved, but these days I am questioning my method.

So, I ask you to do the same.  Reflect back. Think of how you moved...where it got you...who came along...who got left...and what price did you pay?????  Was it worth it?  Would you do it again?  Would you change anything?

Then allow yourself to realize......You, Me, Others-Being-in-the-World-as-Such! are evolving Green...Yellow...Turquoise

I always liked turquoise. I have a lot of turquoise jewelry...and... I just recently found my turquoise scarf.

I'm ready.......Are you?

An MG Poem

Entering the Castle, the latest of Carolyn Myss

A journey of soul searching with writing galore

The intuitive, spiritual guru, healer and journalist

With lots of mansions and rooms to explore

Dr. Patricia Jameson, Ultimate Goddess,

Gives her Interpretation of Myss’ CD/ Book

Giving powerful messages, translating her symbolic sight

More everyday language, images, metaphors,

Self actualization for us to wonder about and write

The power of the word

The thoughts in our hearts and mind’s time

The daily living

And understanding

The insight of Pat and Myss are sublime

The first mansion was extremely ‘humbling’ and all,

It was humiliation that seemed to be the outstanding piece for me and

For many others, that came in the midst of winter months,

Based on past years, winter, and fall

The room of “Chaos”

Now who hasn’t had some???

Life is filled with its challenges

And we all have had big or little smattering mixed in with hardships, transformations,

crisis and just day to day to learn from.

Second Mansion:”God in the Details”

Intuition, temptations, demons, sanctuary, to name just a few

Sabotaging ourselves, staying on course, and remaining true

Third mansion “Surrender”

But enough of that stuff

It was the “Doubt” piece and “Forgiveness”

That for me was so tough!

It’s an amazing journey to be part of

I leave feeling enlightened and so excited to be alive,

I am fortunate to have life’s challenges joys, searches, fears,

Reflections and learning how to use empowerment to survive.

 Pat constructs these extraordinary workshops, capturing the author, touching each of us

Insisting each of our voices to be heard

She makes sure each interact and feel included

And wipes out all thoughts of ever feeling that our ideas are absurd

She uses her existential phenomenology, her gifted spirituality, 

Her knowledge of psychology, her own life course

To explain, teach it, associate it, and image it

Mend wounds from the present and past, while we all try to maintain our energy force.

Pat explains it in Myss terms

Relating it to Virginia Satir, Erikson, Wayne Dyer, Ken Wilbur, Joseph Campbell

Shapario, Estes, and the best of the lot

Psychologists and spiritual leaders

Whom some know of, some that are new, and some we may have forgot

Next mansion the "Heart"

Chakras above the waist, I hunger for more

Can’t wait for the the next seminar to see who will be there

To listen, take heed, do self discovery, and learn what is life’s score

   

It’s so powerful; it’s hard to explain

To understand it, to live it, to use it wisely 

For our loved ones, families, in workplaces, with friends

More freedom, less fear, less hurt and less pain.

Pat” the ultimate goddess”

The teacher, therapist, visionary,

The healer, friend, soul guider to me, and of our time

She facilitates, reminds us, challenges us, and calls on us,

“To Remember the Truth of our Souls”

 To go forward, send out our own light and make each of us to SHINE!

From a follower DK

From Carolyn:

Decide not to fear illumination.

Decide you will trust God. The alternative -  to trust nothing at all, not your God, not your world, not

your relationships, not growing older - is so desperately bleak. Openly declare your loyalty to the

expansion of your consciousness.

This paragraph rocked my soul. So deliciously easy....such an arrow straight to my heart.

When I feel shook, I reread it and a feeling of solidness envelopes me like a cloud of angel dust.

Thank you Carolyn for writing it. Thank you God for being it.

Doubt

I believe we have embarked on a tremendous self/soul journey through our Entering the Castle series. We have now entered the 3rd Mansion with its many rooms...one of which...has us reflecting upon the topic of 'doubt'. In particular, how doubt occurs in our lives and what it represents about our true selves and the purpose it serves for us.

Doubt is one of those creatures that pokes at us whenever we need to return to ourselves...and...ask ourselves, truly, what we desire to be. Doubt puts a veil over reality such that we are drawn into either seeing the world through the veil or lifting that veil. 

Many already know that life appears much more palatable looking at reality through a veil--- muted edges, fuzzy lines, blurs---much like what the world looks like when you are drunk all fuzzy and blurry!

Many remain behind the veil for a long time. Many remove the veil too soon and are in shock and need recovery. Many have the veil yanked off by others....I think this is called disillusionment or "bursting one's bubble???" 

Yet, it causes one to ponder about that bubble...
What do we hold in the bubble view of life? 
What needs to be revealed?...
And...what, just what, appears only in the mist...fuzzy and blurry, in its authenticity.......no need for clean and clear edges.

Dr. J.

Ramblings of a Deranged Phenomenologist: "Deserted" post 3rd mansion reflections

Ramblings of a Deranged Phenomenologist: "Deserted" post 3rd mansion reflections

"Deserted" post 3rd mansion reflections

We have now completed our venture into the 3rd mansion.  "Surrender!" I sense that hearts may be becoming overwhelmed with the content of the journey. It tain't easy contemplating the questions asked; it tain't easy doing the 'Soul Work'.  "Surrender!"  She's Calling You!!!

It is an interesting mix of people and movement that occurs. I can feel when issues surface.I intuitively know 'when' and in some cases 'what' will surface. However, I still believe that after all the work we have done together...it is still difficult to disclose...still difficult to openly share. How is it that we have become so scared of ourselves? 

We still allow ourselves to get captured...so easily. Those old triggers can still be pulled and "POW" we're shot, just like before, in our hearts, in our guts, in our head...whirling, twirling, spinning, dying...ouch!

Too much complacency I betcha. We just make it over one hurdle and think our journey is over and we can relax. How silly of us to think that. On to the next great learning.

They all still trust me. Go figure that! They still trust my guidance into the light or darkness...even when I still question it myself. Well, who else but me would question it...silly.  Guess that's all part of the journey.  Yet, one thing for sure they can trust...is that I will continue to question; I will continue on the journey; I will continue the quest for myself and for them and for anyone else who wants to join. I will not go gently into that dark night.

I know that I am to lead; that I am a pioneer; a mystic; a visionary...or if I use everyday language...I am the fool who is holding the flashlight venturing into the forest...or should I say "Desert" since we are journeying with Carolyn these days.

How is it that many just live in the everyday-ness of life? I have never been able to do that...living in the 'surface structure' (Dr. Maes would love that I am still wandering, still searching) at such a distance from our inner lives, our inner knowing.

Social appropriateness... daily business...regardless of the profession or life project I believe still takes our minds, hearts and souls without our realizing, like a thief in the daylight. How about that we're stealing in broad daylight these days...the 21st century...no shame!

AND...we pass this madness onto our children...move faster, perform more,out do the other...competition on a far grander scale. Get an A, be the best, make me proud, and beat out the others...not too much pressure.

It's no wonder, self esteem wains; defeat abounds; and skin lesions ooze the puss of festering souls...as we continue to 'not leave the children behind'.

The 'zeit geist' of the corporate American model infiltrates our thinking, our living and we think it's great.Great...all this new technology! Great the opportunities!Great that we can travel faster than a speeding bullet; be more powerful than a locomotive; and be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

I SCREEEAAAMMMM!!!! FOR WHAT? SO WHAT! FOR WHOM?

What spell have we been captured by? It looks and feels great, Right? So why not get plugged into the Matrix---everyone is pleasant, pretty, blue skies, and we will just drug and label all those who can't...don't... or... won't get with the program. Or better yet we will just marginalize them...that's it...set them a-sail on the Ship of Fools..."Afringement" --- I just invented a new word.

Hell,

Maybe it's just where I am.

Maybe it's just my craziness.

Maybe it's just my deranged ramblings.

Maybe I'm just getting old and reminiscing about times long since past.

May be I'm starting to channel my grandfather.

Or, maybe I have been right on target all my life.

As crazy and afflicted as I have felt over my years, I know deep down inside that life is more than Hollywood celebrity, movies or TV; more than corporate climbing and bailouts; more than braining washing the next generation into the nightmare.

I hear the crying; I hear the affliction; I watch the torture; I see the souls in anguish; I watch the spinning and frantic grabbing...especially those covered in sparklings who say, "I'm fine."

Then, I know for sure...they are clueless...haven't been with their "I" for a long time; or maybe, they have been pulling the "I'm Fine" cord for so long, it's just stuck, like a Fisher Price See-n-Say...a cow says, "Mooo...Mooo...Mooo..."

How long we have become covered with distractions. How much have we moved away from holding a certain energy patterns. Hiding in other focus...food...phones... distractions...simple outside worries...instead of trusting ourselves and the process.

I have been on this search for so many years you think I would have found...'it'... by now.  

Just and aside:  I have found some of 'it'. 

Yet, I still sense people around me look at me and wonder, " What's wrong with her?" I can see it in their eyes while I'm looking back at them wondering how they go through life without the pull I feel. 

I feel it deep inside like what Bob Marley and Eric Clapton feel when they play their guitar solos...deep there..." Oh love....go on home"....like those jazz notes...played on the piano that I can't yet play....maybe that's it...I need to learn to play the piano...another avenue to manifest what lives in me...more than mere words can say...."Oh love"......

So......I give up.  I am not a novelist. Life doesn't occur to me that way. I am a living metaphor.

I surrender.....move over Beethoven.....here I come!

Entering the Castle

Well, we have been Entering the Castle now for 2 months in a row....Great work is being accomplished...and I finally had an insight about who Carolyn is yelling at...those New Agers...and all those folks who think they can discover the Truth of their Soul at a workshop.

I have found, doing this excavating work, reflecting on the material, pondering the questions...that I have been traveling down this road for a long time. I have looked into what Carolyn & Theresa are asking me to look at and think about...many, many times. Yet, each new time I look....wouldn't you know it...I see something new...dah! Wonder why?..... because I keep having new experiences. I keep encountering my issues that need clearing and healing in my relationships. Just in case I thought I could clear them once and for all.....NO!....I am kept humble... finding my goddess-ness, WOW, what a mouthful, in my humanity. Yes, my goddess-ness in my humanity or should I say my hu-womanity.

I believe the reflective question that still calls to me the most is the one about being judgmental. I have been working on healing my judgmentalism and my dualistic thinking since my early 30's. That inner nagging, cranky, hurt, pouty me still harkens for me to let her out. Some days she mumbles and grumbles and screams her accursed nesses not only at others, but at me! Can you believe that...at me...the ultimate goddess.

So on those days I know she needs extra care and love. She needs me so much. I am so touched by her anguish. You see, the reason she mumbles grumbles and screams her judgments is because she deeply feels the crying of those who no longer have any tears to cry. She deeply feels the inner twisting of a mother’s heart who wants freedom for her son. She sees deeply into the fabric being woven by a world given over to greed and fear. She wonders how hope will show itself.

Therefore, she orates yellingly, " Those dirty rotten.!!????*!! How Could They?

How could they grab homes from out under families? How could they send the jobs overseas? How could they lie to us? How could they refuse health care to the babies and the old ones? How could they blame Sam Workingclass for these economic shambles?

How could we have cried PEACE, EQUAL RIGHTS, FREEDOM FOR ALL, LOVE NOT WAR...and have lost so many in the bombings, allowed our children to carry guns, given drugs to our babies, make mockeries of our bodies, and ravage our souls, our interiors with graven images? She remembers and screams!

My soul is tormented

My soul was gripped or should I say ripped yesterday by the clutches of that demon named "Cancer". How I hate that devil. No one is safe from its reaches. I danced with him over ten years ago and now he has returned to claim yet another dance partner...my sweet soul cousin. We rode bikes together. He, my 'little' cousin, taught me how to hit monkey balls with a baseball bat. He made his friends include me in their baseball games even though they did not want to play with a girl. I wrote on his back and he wrote of mine as we deciphered alphabet letters instead of going to sleep. It's a "B"...No...Erase Erase, start over. No it's my turn." We grew up together. He had a bunny rabbit cake for his 3rd birthday when I was 5. We shrieked whenever his great grandma threw her loose string lasso out on the tar roof of her 2nd floor apartment to catch those trusting pigeons she fed everyday. We knew where those 'little' chicken legs came from she invited us up to eat later in the day. She shook them at us with a grimaced face spouting out some form of Italian outrage. We flew down those stairs and out the front door just like the pigeons.
No more pigeons these days. No more old grimacing grandmas. Just that deadly face of our new buddy "Cancer"...yep, that's his name.
I found out yesterday that my sweet cousin is beset with stage 3 (plus a whole lot of letters and numbers after the 3) prostate cancer. This should not be. It is not for him. It was OK with me. I came through mine bald but illuminated. Of course! How else would anyone be after 36 radiation treatments. He jokes that he too will glow in the dark. He says that he has found new freedoms; he drives as fast as he wants; he drinks red wine every night; and he shovels his neighbor's driveway just to show him that he is not dead yet.
I found out yesterday that he and I are made of the same courageous, valiant stock...We can face our life and our death straight on...that he and I can do that devil dance boogaloo....and that we can look into grimacing faces that spout cancerous outrages and fly.